How does it happen that someone can get inside another person's bloodstream? Can it still happen in these times of selfishness and alienation? Is it still possible to love someone intensely and they will love you back allowing you to climb over and jump into their bloodstream?
Lately I have been thinking a lot of the beautiful words from the Bible book of Ruth in which Ruth tells her mother-in-law Naomi:
"Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God."
These words came about after the death of Ruth's husband. Naomi tells her to turn and go back to her own country and remarry over there. Today some will say this is strange for a woman to tell another woman unless perhaps there are some homosexual tendencies, all in the ignorance of only being able to see life beyond how it is today especially in the West with its' empty relationships and lack of values. In my parents' generation there were often life time friendships and marriages. People were loyal. People did not allow their egos, their personal ideologies to rule and ruin everything. I am sure it was certainly like that in Ruth's era.
Today in the country where I live I am the majority, a single person alone. It got this way because fewer and fewer people would not allow themselves to think and do more like Ruth. Ruth swallowed her pride and loved her mother-in-law I believe in a pure and respectful way, and because she did, followed Naomi to her homeland, and even worked to support herself and Naomi in Boaz's field, and because of this she found a good husband in Boaz. Naomi was in Ruth's bloodstream and it all led to a better future for her. She did not have too much pride and reject her mother-in-law's advice when she told her to go where Boaz was sleeping, lie at his feet, and then plead her case as a poor widow. Boaz had heard of Ruth's loyalty and had seen her working in his fields, so he married her after she came to him. It didn't all end with Ruth's and Boaz's marriage and in their lifetime either. Centuries later Jesus/Issa was born from their lineage. We have to find the good and lasting things somehow in this life. We must find the right person's bloodstream to climb into, and if it is the right one he or she will also climb into our bloodstream. It will not end since true love and loyalty never dies.
I love Sufi poetry. The Sufi poets talk almost always about love, a spiritual love that returns back up to Allah. Allah is the Arabic name for God, and even Middle Eastern Christians call Him Allah, so I have started thinking more often of HIm as Allah. There is nothing wrong with the name. But as for love in Sufi poetry, I believe it can also apply to the human, men and women, a higher and joyful love that is rare to come by but is possible to come by. Rumi wrote, 'Dance in your blood.' Abu Said Abil Khair wrote, 'Love came flowed like blood beneath the skin, through veins emptied me of myself filled me with the Beloved.' This is divine love and because in this culture and society we rarely find any balance and have any divine love we cannot connect with people the right way. People have sex first, but they never connect on a psychological and spiritual level. We cannot find a lasting love with another person because of this. Love today is attached too much to the material and the self. No one wants to become transparent and selfless because they have been taught that to become so you are being weak, you are giving someone else power over you, it is far too dangerous to trust anyone. So we end up alone.
All this matter about love and being inside someone's bloodstream and they in return, came into my mind this morning after I fell asleep briefly following an asthma attack. I have been an asthmatic for several years now. The only time it faded away was when I lived in Turkey, which seemed to have a climate conducive to eradicating it. But this summer it seems to be fading away even here. My asthma is also tied to my emotions. I can get upset or fearful and then an attack will come. Autumn has arrived in the air this week especially at night and in the mornings. I slept with my window open over night to get some fresh air. This morning I felt stressed and sad, and I had an attack, so I took my inhaler, prayed, and fell asleep. For some years I had stopped having dreams, but this year I have started to dream again. Often they are nondescript which I cannot remember, but I recalled my dream this morning. I had lost something I loved. I will not say what. I was panicking and suffocating in my dream. It seemed so real, and then I woke up. I felt so much happiness and relief that the dream was not true. After I had fully awaken the idea of the bloodstream and love came to mind.
I have allowed myself to love in this life and be really hurt. I have witnessed people who do not know how to love and who take their spouses for granted. They are attached while I remained alone too prideful to admit I was lonely. In the past I allowed someone to get into my bloodstream, but I was not in his, I believe. Perhaps if I had been more patient and not left he might have matured and climbed into mine into my bloodstream. He was not an American or a Westerner and was from a culture where many people are not afraid to be close and communicate. I don't know though. I blame myself for so much at this point in my life, but I also blame the society I was born into that was ready to place the cuffs on the day I was born.
Now I do not know if it is a waste of time to hope that someone will ever see me as worthy enough to climb into my bloodstream. I feel that I can make the climb, but will I be wasting my time and be devastated again? I tend to give so much, put my heart into things.
I've gotten used to devastation and unfairness. It does hurt to feel that my life has been cursed because I was born in the wrong place and time. I just smile and somehow try to live the rest of what's left of my life. I really hope the river will flow to the sea of love if there is any possibility left in this world. You are in my bloodstream.