Happy New Year! Eskişehir municipality sent up about five minutes of fireworks at midnight New Years. I could see them out of my living room window. I was disappointed they didn't last longer. By the time I had my camera ready, the color and explosions were over.
In five days I will have been teaching and living in Eskişehir, Turkey for three months Over the last several months I've had mixed feelings: positive, negative, excitement, fear, anxiety, loneliness. Sometimes the loneliness is excruciating. It's not that the Turks are anti-social like so many in the US are, but there is a barrier between me and them, language. Here my race is not a barrier the way it is in the states. Turks do not seem to expect the worse of me or prejudge me the way some people do back home because of the color of my skin. Some are just delighted to see a black person and would like to get to know me.
It began to snow here four days ago. The snow started to come down on Tuesday morning. I woke up to it, the flakes quietly falling to the ground most of the day. I was very very worried about having to go outside and falling. On Tuesdays I don't have a regular class in the evenings, but I do have a private student and conversation club which totals three hours of work. Tuesday afternoon I discovered that my private student had sent an e-mail overnight saying that he wouldn't be coming to meet me at school. His car had broke down again and the weather was just too bad he wrote. I called my boss and told her this, expecting that no one would probably show up for conversation club. She told me to stay at home, and if anyone came she would phone me. About an hour before conversation club was scheduled, she phoned me and said one student had already arrived. I told her OK I was coming, but I would be slow.
It snows on average every five or six years where I live in northeast Georgia. However, things have changed a bit in the last few years. About two or three years ago it showed at Christmas and again the following January. Even in my parents' lifetimes they'd never experienced snow twice in a short time span. Here in Eskişehir it's cold and snow is very common. In fact, some hope for snow because I was told if it doesn't s snow the winter will be painfully cold. The school lost two American teachers last year because they said Eskişehir's cold weather was too much for them, I hear. I also hear that Erzurum is the coldest place in Turkey, and I might have ended up there. A language school in Erzurum wrote to me requesting an interview just one day after I was hired by this school. I am glad I didn't go to Erzurum. I might not have survived the low temperatures. I am surviving here, and I am both surprised and proud of myself.
Tuesday evening when I was told I would have to come to school for my one hour conversation club I was very worried. Several scenes flashed through my head. What if I fell? What I fell and broke my hip or hurt my knees? I have knee problems, so I was afraid I might be too stiff to walk. What if my YakTrax (snow grips that I attach to my boots) wouldn't stay on? My boss' description of YakTrax are very clever. When I showed them to her, she smiled and said "They are snow tires for the shoes." All of my anxiety turned out for nought. Yes, the snow had piled up outside reaching somewhere between my ankles and my knees I discovered when I went outside on my way to school. One of my neighbors, a young guy was downstairs at the front door waiting for someone, I know because a company car pulled up. He held the door for me and I went out moving very slow and unsure. He said something to me which I imagined might have been "Be careful." I took my first steps in all that deep snow, the deepest I'd seen in person in my entire life. The YakTrax worked perfectly in the narrow path of packed snow that people had made running through the apartment's courtyard out to the street. Once I got out on the street and walked further along I felt more confident that I wouldn't topple over. I arrived at the school without any broken bones, and it was the same on the return home. I was a little afraid of some of the snow that was banked up, but as for slipping on any snow or ice I felt less and less uneasy. I still took my time and was careful though. I also discovered that my knee problems had disappeared in the snowy air.
On New Years Eve I ventured out again to go to the nearby mall to purchase minutes and messaging for my cellphone (here it's called a mobile phone), buy a newly discovered olive oil soap I just love, and some warmer gloves. I picked my way along my street in the packed snow and ice. As I was gingerly nearing the curb leading off my street a young man came up beside me and took my arm. I was not afraid because I realize he saw that I was going so slow as if I was afraid I might fall. He said something in Turkish and helped me up on to the curb. I thanked him twice in Turkish and he went on his way. Nearly always when I go out someone will help me even if I do not ask. Turks like to help and I've heard this is a characteristic of many people who live in this part of the world whether in Asia, Africa, or parts of Eastern Europe. I've said on here before that I do not follow femininist idealogy. I understand that men and women are different and that we compliment each other. It's not about superiority or inferiority. So I didn't feel insulted or weak because that guy helped me, in fact I felt honored. I don't speak for other women, but I happen to appreciate such gallantry.
When I go into stores and shops, often some of the Turks brighten up with excitement. There are black people around here (Africans) but they are scattered around and I only see some on occasion. At the pharmacy that I go to near my apartment, an older man works there, perhaps he's the owner. He also speaks some English. There are several women who work there too, an older woman who is perhaps his wife, a middle aged woman, and a young woman. The older man and woman are always extra excited when I come in. I use a mix of English and Turkish there, and the older man does the same. Today when I picked my way to the pharmacy they all welcomed me and he told me to sit down and relax before I made my purchase. Often I think about Walmart and its' greeters back home, most them stand at the store entrance not greeting any of the customers or only the ones they probably know. Some of them will not greet you if you are black. This has happened to me a few times. The people coming behind me who were white, they would greet. Both the white and black greeters have done this, but I expect this kind of behavior in the US. Here when I enter 98% of the stores I will be told "Hoşgeldiniz" which is "Welcome" in Turkish and I always answer back with "Hoşbulduk" which is "Glad to be here" or "I'm honored." There are a number stock phrases the Turks use to show courtesy, concern, or appreciation. To me this is showing culture.
Also today on my way to the pharmacy and the market, a middle aged man took my hand and helped me up onto the sidewalk as I was crossing the street through some water and ice. I am gradually becoming more comfortable out now. The first time I came to work in Turkey in 2004 a lot of Turks would stare right through me. I mean almost not blink an eye and just stare. Some would be in cars, look up and see me on the bus and start smiling and waving. I have been sitting at the busstop and some on a passing bus would look down and start waving. I was younger than and just so happy to be in a place where people were not intimidated by my skin color. I felt like a celebrity, but now that time has passed and I'm older I prefer just to be a bit anonymous in the crowd.
The weather forecast says it will snow off and on over the next week. Today it has not snowed and the sky seemed as if it would reveal the sun. Yesterday it snowed a great deal during the afternoon. The air here feels so pure and healthy the way it does after a snow. I saw a disturbing sight when I was walking along this afternoon on my way to the pharmacy and the market. A stray cat was lying dead on the sidewalk; I suppose a victim of the cold. Temporary I felt very sad (I like cats), but I walked on by and got my mind back to making sure I kept my footing in the snow and ice. Today at the pharmacy they marvelled at my YakTrax. I am beginning to understand Turkish more even though I cannot always respond. The older woman was saying they are like snow tires. I responded in Turkish telling her yes they are snow shoes.
It is both difficult and wonderful here. There is such a thing as good stress. And this is it I sometimes believe.
